Oh, Birthday Parties. How I love and loathe thee.
Really it’s not the birthday parties, but more like the expectations that surround said parties. First you have the party itself. Remember when we were kids and birthday parties were held at your house, or your local Chuck E. Cheese or McDonald’s? They were usually low key -affairs with family, friends and permission to just run amuck. Now, we are competing with parties featuring superheroes, princesses, inflatable villages, extreme make-overs, animal menageries, D-list celebs, etc. You name it, and if you’ve got the cash, you’ve got it.
Then there are the gifts. We are one of those families who really prefers NOT to receive gifts for birthdays. We love to throw parties and feel that the presence of our guests is gift enough. Plus, we live in a small apartment and there is just not a lot of room for more stuff.
(I am excluding family from this discussion, because I am not going to tell Grandma and Grandpa that they can’t send their grands gifts!)
But the thing is most of us love to GIVE gifts as well! I know I get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside when I see a loved one or friend open a gift!
So, I have come to the conclusion that if we have birthday parties… there will be gifts.
I ran across an article in a parenting magazine talking about a new trend in kids birthday parties. They are called “Dollar Parties” and, in my humble opinion, they seem just as gauche as the “Dollar Dance” at weddings. (For those of you whom I’ve just offended, because you had a Dollar Dance at your Wedding, sorry. Feel free to ignore my opinion. I can be a wench sometimes.) So the basic premise is this:
Instead of having your party guests bring gifts, they should bring X number of dollars for the birthday child. The amount of money given is based on the age of the child, i.e. a 5 year old would receive $5 from each guest, a 12 year old would receive $12 from each guest, etc. The article listed a number of pros: lower environmental impact, the birthday child can receive a gift of their own choosing and what they really want, guests do not have to agonize over if they are buying the “right” gift, etc.
Really?
Sure, when your kids are little that could work pretty well, but could you imagine yourself as a 16 year old with $320 in cash after having a party with 20 people? I guess to me, it’s like that Chase commercial that I’ve been seeing. It’s the one where a young man is celebrating his birthday and Grandma presents him with a card. He opens the card and there is nothing inside, so he gives Grandma this “look.” Grandma smiles and nods to his phone, where he has gotten a text alert stating that Grandma as sent him cash via Chase Mobile. And then they hug.
First time I saw that commercial, I went on a rant. Did that child not care that Grandma was there? Or was he only looking forward to Grandma’s cash? Where are we as a society?
So, same thing here… with things like extreme birthday parties, Dollar Parties, and money galore. Are we teaching our kids that the only reason to have friends over is not to celebrate another year of life, but to get stuff… or cash?
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Related posts:
- Happy (Belated) Birthday, to my little Dragonfly!
- Happy Birthday 4th Birthday to my little Bear!!
- Manners Monday: ‘Buy Crap’ Parties and the all-important RSVP
- Wordless Wednesday: Happy First Birthday, Dragonfly and Happy Birthday, Blessed Mother!
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Gifts and parties stress me out. I’m very fortunate right now in that A. my kids are very little (1 and 3) and B. We live overseas while all our family/friends are in the States so it’s something I really don’t have to deal with much right now. I’m super picky about my kids toys because like you, we just don’t have the space for things that are not useful, lovely, educational, well-made, and well-loved by the kids. A trip to the zoo, a balloon, a homemade cake, and one or two great toys/books are enough right now to make them feel really special, but I worry about how much that will change as they have more exposure to extravagant birthdays as they make friends or when we move back to the States. No matter how many times I politely try to explain to family that we don’t have room for _____, they’re going to get the girls those things anyway, and I’m certainly not going to be mean to them for trying to show my kids love, but it’s still something I sort of dread dealing with as they get older.
I totally fear future children’s birthday parties and Christmas because I hate clutter and I really don’t want them playing with crap toys. I’ve seen some kids who have parties where you bring something to donate (toys for local homeless shelter or something), or donate the $ you would have used to buy a gift on a certain charity, or charity of choice. I’m seriously thinking that will be what we do for parties! Immediate family can give gifts, but use those ideas for the other attendees. Then there’s a lesson built in as well! We’ll see!
We just had a birthday party for my five year old and I always struggle with deciding to do gifts or not. Since I don’t give my children birthday parties every year, I do allow gifts. This year she got some great art supplies that she is really looking forward to using. As for the parties, I try to keep them simple. It was at our house, there was a simple bounce house, a piñata, some cupcakes, food, no favors and no over the top decorations. Reading that sounds like it could have been over the top, but we were intentional about keeping it fun without all the hoopla. A parent even thanked me for keeping the party low key, which I took as a compliment.
Man I totally feel you. Have you seen some of those “pinterest parties?” I can remember growing up hating some gifts and we’d go and return them and put the money in savings or buy something we actually wanted.
At my last job I worked for a woman that was pretty well-off and had a lot of clients she had known for YEARS or through church/community things. I can remember a year or so ago she got a wedding invitation for one of her clients grandchildren. One of our co-workers asked my boss if she thought that was a “gift invitation.” My boss didn’t really answer her and I have no idea if my boss sent a gift but I just remember thinking I’d never want to go to a party/wedding I didn’t want to attend I’m not going to invite people to get more gifts…
I do know a girl that created a gift registry for her sons 1st birthday and she was VERY particular about everything he had and at first I remember thinking man she is a CONTROL FREAK but now it’s probably really smart esp if you don’t have a lot of space for 100 stuffed animals.
I was pretty surprised at the level of extravagance for friends’ parties for their 1 year olds. Whatever happened to giving the kid a cupcake and having a few people come over to hang out? Maybe some paper hats?
I’m hoping we can keep things simple and sane, at least for the first years. I don’t even want to think about toys piling up– we haven’t even had our first one yet (due in 2 weeks!) and he’s been given more clothes more clothes than I own!