I have a confession to make. I don’t know if it’s a mom thing, or a woman thing or an ESTJ thing, but here’s the thing:
I can’t say NO to people.
Now I think part of this is because I am in Direct Sales and I know I hate hearing NO from people:
Me: “Should we have the next Girls’ Night Out at your place?”
Client: “No, thanks.”
Me: “OK” [internal dialogue: WHY?? DIDN'T YOU LIKE ME OR MY PRODUCTS??? DON'T YOU LIKE FREE???])
and that I really don’t like to hurt feelings.
Cute Little Scouts Selling Stuff: [in unison] Would you like to buy some ______ to support Troop ______.
Me: [Internal Dialogue: Not really because there's a lot of artificial stuff in your cookies/popcorn/candies and we try not to eat like that. Plus that's a lot of money for a little bit of product... how much money is your troop/ school getting?!] Ummm… let me think about it and I’ll let you know when I come out!
Or that, I recognize the fact that something needs to be done but no one will step up to do it.
Organization President: “So we are still in need of a chair of XYZ committee. I know out of ____ number of women here, some one will step up and lead us!
Me: [Internal Dialogue: Why won't someone step up? It can't take that much time. I mean, get a group together and delegate the task. You know, if someone doens't volunteer, it's not going to get done. How much would that suck. I wonder if I could fit this in. It would be tight, but do-able. Ugh. I don't know.]
As a result, I find myself buying things I really don’t want or need, or volunteering for committees I really do not have time for. I find myself trying to manage one of the most valuable things that I have (my time) for others, and stressing about why there is not enough time in the day. And here’s the thing, I was raised to give everything your 110% and that you do not do a half-arsed job at it, so every committment I make has to be done to exacting standards. So the result is: happy family, happy committees, happy clients, BONE TIRED CCM.
Maybe it’s time for me to learn to say NO.
One of the trainings that I attended for my business emphasized the power of the word NO and how once you have heard NO 100 times, you can really get through anything. NO does not mean that you are a failure; in fact, NO is one of the best information gathering tools that you can have.
I need to sit down and decide what is taking my time and take heart that even if I do not volunteer, the world will not come to an end.
My business takes about 5 hours out of my week, add 2-3 if I have a show. Committee meetings can take 2-3 hours out of a night and if I have more than one… that adds up to a lot of nights out (and for some reason they tend to fall in the same weeks, how does that work out?!)
NO is a great time-management tool. It is my time and I am the keeper of said time. If I want to have more time to color with The Dragonfly, then I need to spend less time doing other things.
It’s time for me to prioritize: God, Family, things that I take joy in (my business, MOPS/PTA/Junior League, crafting, writing) and all the rest.
So, if you know me in real life, do not take it personally if I tell you NO, or if I quietly slip off into the sunset. It isn’t about you… it’s about taking care of me.
And the fact that there’s a baby to arrive in 5 weeks or less is an even better reason.
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What about you? Do you have a hard time saying NO? Is it socially acceptable to say NO?
Speaking of babies: I am looking for guest writers while I am on maternity blogging leave. If you are a blogger and want to guest post or if you want the chance to try out blogging without committing to one of your own, email me at caffeinatedcatholicmama@gmail.com with your topic or idea for consideration!
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